I Think I Drowned

From In Gethsemane: Transcripts of a Journey www.amazon.co.in

All these years have been made up of borrowed memories and nightmares…both swindlers of the truth. Life has been one long unending train journey through the labyrinth of a society congealed in human waste.

Childhood, the horrors of school and the blight of those growing up years have all been slotted into memories and nightmares. The conceiving of love only to be aborted by lies and then again impregnated with hope…the cycle continued…continues…from the first light of the sun on the grubby pillow to sunset on a beach with the taste of salt air stinging the chaffed lips.

The urge to purge the life within, to remove the mask of pretence has come with reflux, the result of inhaling too many iniquities.

So what is to be done? How does one peel off the memories and nightmares and lay bare the life within? And will it matter in the end when all has been accounted for, the debits and credits being balanced?

I don’t feel anything. The clock ticks as this body ages every minute, a machine with no spare parts.

Many years ago I fell into a river and was carried away in the brown swirling waters. A fisherman saved me.

But did he?

For I think I drowned and that is why I have remained the outsider looking in, watching helplessly as life flows by carrying the debris of the day downstream.

I don’t feel anything.

I think I drowned.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Om

© Mark Ulyseas, August 13,2012

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