Mostafa Ebada – Who am I talking to today?

Ebada LE P&W Vol 6 Nov-Dec 2024

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Live Encounters Poetry & Writing Volume Six November-December 2024.

Arab Poets & Writers

Who am I talking to today? – poem by Mostafa Ebada.

Dr Salwa Gouda translatorTranslated from Arabic by Dr. Salwa Gouda.


Who am I talking to today?

Is this me?
I wake up with wounds on my body
And blue bruises
And marks of sharp teeth
Remains of frightened dreams and nightmares
Although before I slept
I settled my account with sadness
And paid it its full dues
And we agreed to part
I willingly gave it
My verse, love, and friendship
And everything that makes it a master over hearts
And even though it seemed satisfied with the exchange
I also left it
Sitting in the front rows
To leisurely contemplate
Its clean shoes
And take center position in the picture
But it left me with its soldiers
So I wake up from sleep
And find wounds and blue bruises on my body
And remnants of sharp teeth
And nightmares.

***

Yesterday
Socrates’ wife visited me
In truth,
She asked to stay with me
And since I am kind
I left her the freedom to be silent or to speak
With the door open
In case she grew bored
Unlike my friends
I dislike “Julia Roberts”
And her perpetually beautiful smile
There’s something false about it
But Socrates’ wife is real
And I genuinely love blood and scent
I love when I leave the house
To think of not returning to it
But I come back
I adore the women of the markets
And the cafés
Especially those with a light mustache
These are things that never die
And like any ancient Egyptian
I am addicted to immortality
So, my friend Socrates
Don’t be tedious
And let the bottle of poison
Be drunk by those fortunate ones
Who love Julia Roberts.

***

This is me
My mother only warned me about two things
Cars and women
She bid me farewell at the train station, tearful:
I fear you’ll be run over by a car
Or a woman
My mother died
And I survived millions of cars
And airplanes
I crossed seas
I met Buddhists and sorcerers
Prophets and daughters of the night
And I returned to my mother
Run over
But she did not get angry or reproach me
She did not look into my eyes
Didn’t I tell you?
I fell from three floors
And my wrist was broken
The fire consumed my arm
My heart stopped twice
I triumphed in the battle of life
Until I reached here
I returned to my mother
In a state of being run over.

***

I do not love silent nature
It suffocates my heart
I saw behind the trees
Murderers and snakes
And in the thickets, a frightened moon
Sneaks between the leaves
I love another kind of nature;
A naked woman, for example—
The chloasma of pregnancy around her nipples
The cries of a child
Preventing his parents’ solitude
I am the man who has never seen a tree
Or a rose except in books
And when he sees the sea, his tears flow
And whenever he sees a flower, he thinks it is a breast
And whenever he sees a breast
It crosses his heart:
I fear that a car will run you over
Or
A woman.

***

I wake up angry
I wish I could slaughter someone
Or disfigure a woman’s face
I kick the doors and the gravel of the streets
Without mercy
I spit in the face of everything
That passes before me
Something inside me
Wishes death for everyone
Or for me to become a bullet
The chaos of the world resides in my heart
I slept yesterday without a heart
And without a hand to gather
What has scattered from me
And if I hear music
Your wasted scent invades me
And I did not turn it into permanent fields
As if I had suddenly matured
As if I had shed my scales
And my old thorns
And my teeth ready for killing
I was scared when I imagined your possible nakedness
When the water receded from trees and music
When the sky receded
Which had sheltered me for so long
And became narrower than a distress
And wider than the opening of a pocket
Where I like to leave my nose
Rest assured
“For that is just the nature of a love-struck person”


© Mostafa Ebada

Mostafa Ebada (1965) is an Egyptian journalist, poet, essayist, and critic. He works as the Deputy Editor-in-Chief of Al-Ahram Al Arabi Magazine. He is also the cultural advisor to some of the most important Egyptian publishing houses, such as The Egyptian
Lebanese House, Al-Mahrousa Center, and Dar Batana. Furthermore, he published more than 10 books in different creative genres, such as poetry collections and cultural and literary studies.

Salwa Gouda is an Egyptian literary translator, critic, and academic at the English Language and Literature Department at Ain-Shams University. She holds a PhD in English literature and criticism. She received her education at Ain-Shams University and California State University in San Bernardino. Furthermore, she has published several academic books, including Lectures in English Poetry and introduction to Modern Literary Criticism, and others. She has also contributed to the translation of “The Arab Encyclopedia for Pioneers,” which includes poets, philosophers, historians, and men of letters, under the supervision of UNESCO. Also, her translated poetry anthology, entitled Dogs Pass Through My Fingers, was published recently through Alien Buddha Press in Arizona, USA. Additionally, her literary translations have been published in various international magazines.

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